The World of Grandpa Don

It may be in my nature not to be easily offended. When a perceived offence occurs, and after the initial hurt passes, I am inclined to give the benefit of a doubt.

I may have deserved it ... though I don't know why, at least at the moment. The offender may have been having a bad day and been careless about a remark or action. I may have misinterpreted the words or actions of the other and there may, indeed, have been no offence intended. Or a situation may have guided the person into saying or doing something, just in the normal course of life.

It is said that when a person actually offends it is a reflection on their state of mind rather than an attack on the one offended.  My daughter reminded me that, when an offence is nurtured into a grudge, it is usually a "girl thing". She observed that guys will fight, sometimes violently, and once getting it out of their system, continue with their friendship as if the disagreement hadn't occurred. (She lives with a husband, four sons and a male dog.)

When an offence is felt it is well to consider the results before taking any action. Regardless of the nature of the situation the questions should be posed, ... Is this important enough to ruin a relationship? or, How important is it to win this battle?. ... Is it a matter of my ego?  Another consideration is the fact that the one who takes offence is often hurt more than the offender who does the deed and forgets it. Do we want to hurt ourselves or can we chose not to be offended.  It has been said the carrying a grudge is like taking poison and thinking your enemy will die.

It is said that to forgive is divine. Maybe that is why it is so hard to do! I have found that it is far easier not to pass judgment than it is to forgive after taking offence. The American Judicial system wisely mandates that a person is innocent until proven guilty. It seems to me that it is just as wise to presume a perceived offence is unintended until the offender proves otherwise. I used the term "taking offence" and that describes it in a  nut shell. To be offended we must take or accept it. It is a choice we ourselves make in doing so.

It is also well to remember that some people, by their nature, are blunt, incredibly honest, or completely insensitive in their dealings with others. It is well to let their transgressions roll off the back since they will never change and are not even aware of the potential harm they may precipitate. They are rather to be pitied. The reaction to their offence should be a short prayer asking God to come to their assistance.

Offences, real or perceived, and holding grudges as a result of them, becomes a matter of battling egos and I am convinced that God intends for us to subdue our ego. It was, after all, the egotistical sin of our first parents, enticed by the serpent, to eat of the fruit which would make them like gods, that caused them to be ejected from the garden of Eden.  I contend that there is no sin other than ego because no sin can be committed in selflessness.

At the same time, when we commit ourselves to selflessness, we are less apt to offend others. It is well to think of what will be heard and perceived by the listener when we speak. Submission of the ego will help avoid giving offence.

Choosing not to offend is the best course of action but it is sometimes impossible to know how another person will react at any time. In any case a conscious choice of selflessness is well advised. Choosing not to be offended is the next best solution to the problem. This requires drastic suppression of the ego but results in a satisfying peace of mind.