The World of Grandpa Don

Fight 'Em or Love 'Em

What is the best way to deal with enemies, those with whom we disagree in any way and possibly in so many ways? They may be people of different cultures which clash with our own. They may have different religious beliefs, radically different than ours or differing in small subtle but important (to us) ways. They may have opposing political views. Or they may simply be strange to us in any number of ways.

When nations are involved the solution is often sought in war or to a lesser extent in less violent opposition. The effort is to convince them that they must agree with us as we tell them they are wrong and we are right. Even by conquest the problem is seldom solved. Gorilla resistance ensues. There is terrorism and civil discord.

With individuals and groups we often attempt to teach them the error of their ways. But when we tell someone that they are wrong (and we are, therefore, right) we have, in fact, attacked their ego and the ego is a powerful force within a person. The ego will not respond well to reason and prompts the other to defend himself. He will often counter attack as he perceives your actions as an assault on his beliefs and intelligence. If one didn't exist before, you have created an enemy, one who will fight to preserve his beliefs and way of life. He perceives it as a matter of self preservation. His ego is telling him that you are acting as a superior person and that he should not accept that. How can you win?

Jesus told us to love our enemies. What on earth could He have meant? I don't think he meant that we should give him (((HUGs))) and cuddles. I don't think He meant the we should be submissive and go over to his ways. I do believe He meant to love him the way God loves sinners. God does not condone the sin but he wants to reform the sinner, not by force but by reformation from within. He shows the sinner how He lives and acts toward others and leaves the choice to become like Him up to the sinner. The ego is not threatened because the the change comes from the choice of the sinner (enemy).

It is in this way we fight evil with good. I find it more effective to win over the enemy by good example rather than attacking his faith or beliefs. Winning by conquest is not near as effective and lasting as winning by the moral persuasion of my conduct and having the opponent decide for himself, internally, that he wants to come over to my side. We should follow the advice of St. Francis of Assisi, “Preach the Gospel always. It necessary, use words." The words are used when the enemy comes to ask us of our beliefs because he sees the good in them through us.

Some of us are fighters. Some of us are lovers. It is my choice to be the latter.

Don Plefka
11/22/10