The World of Grandpa Don

Nobody Loves Me

I wasn't sure if I should place this under Relationships with Ourselves or Others. I decided to put it here because those who find themselves in the situation that other people don't love them do not understand the reason for the attitude of others.

Family and friends do not seem to want their company or may seem to avoid them. The victim is not invited to social or family gatherings and when invited, they are ignored and left to their own. That is NOT the way to treat a friend or family member. It is often the case that this person has had problems, often serious problems, which need to be considered. They admit that if they were shown a little love and consideration, they could be more friendly themselves.

I want, first of all to state that God loves them. He loves them without reservation and unconditionally. He has proven this by sending His Son to live among us and sacrifice Himself for us. What greater love is there?

God didn't wait for us to love Him before showing His love for us. He didn't say, "I will love you after you have demonstrated your love for Me. No, he did it unconditionally. And that is a major part of His message to us.

Love Unconditionally!

It is not my intent to criticize the victims of this situation or shift blame to them. After all, we all have been there to various degrees. It is not their fault. But maybe I can offer some 'tricks' to at least lessen the problem.

The fact that we perceive others not to care about us is no reason to feel slighted and to withhold our love. Notice that I used the word "Perceived". I refer you to my thoughts about "Our Perceptions".

We are sometimes tempted to 'punish' those who offend us by treating them in like manner. This serves to continue and intensify the situation. This is particularly true if the other is not aware they have offended. (It is possible.) Even if they have maliciously attacked you, you can disarm them completely by ignoring the offense and treating the situation as if nothing happened. You have taken control of the situation and have not let someone else control your emotions.

Yes, the other person may be deliberately snubbing you. But why? Do they feel they have been offended by YOU? That may be real or a false perception and either way it may be wise or charitable on your part to make an effort toward reconciliation. What a great opportunity to show our love.

On the other hand, the offending person may be so totally wrapped up in his own situation that he is  unintentionally giving the wrong impression. In that case, it may be wise or charitable for you to try to help resolve the problem by giving a hand. Sometimes just a kind word will do.

There are times when you feel so hurt or offended that you find it imposable to treat that person with love. The only thing to do is to pretend to love him. Oh no, don't pretend it to his face, that would be easily detected as insincere no matter how good an actor you are. Lie to yourself! Pretend to yourself that no problem exists. Convince yourself, as best you can, that you and the other person are on excellent terms. Then treat him as if it were true. The results can be amazing.

Earlier in my life I was not a very sociable person. The fact is that, in my case, insecurity made me reluctant to mix with strangers. So, I avoided parties and large gatherings. Even at family gatherings I tended to go off to myself and try to blend into the scenery. It is a difficult habit to break. My excuse, ... "I'm not a party person." I have learned a little device from some of our parish ministries. At some gatherings we are instructed to "pair up with someone you don't know and discuss the particular  subject of the meeting." It works! And, this is a good device to follow when at a large gathering. When the host is occupied with being the host and everyone you know is involved in conversation, look for the loner or an unoccupied pair, walk over and introduce yourself using your relationship with the host or the guest of honor as the start of the conversation. I have found new friends this way and discovered many interesting people.

The result of all this is that soon people will be saying, "What a loving and caring person that is! You can not help but love him."

We can not wait for someone to love us. It is up to us to take the initiative. God sent His Son at a time when no one cared. What if he decided to hold a grudge because people didn't show Him respect?

People respond to love ... with love. Let's not focus on the negative. That is counterproductive. It all gets back to the fact that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. It is up to us to take control of our lives and react with LOVE.

You see, ... this should have been under the heading "Relationship with Ourselves".

Don Plefka
5/27/03