The World of Grandpa Don

.

I have heard it from a couple friends and many times in the news media. "After all we did for France, ... How can they turn on us?"

We live in the belief that when we help someone they are in our debt. This belief prevails in our family, with our friends, in business and among nations. When we ourselves are the beneficiary of the help we feel obligated to return the favor. It is ingrained into our culture. 

We are hurt that France does not take everything we did for them into account in the Iraq situation. Many lives were lost, broken or disrupted in our liberation of that country from the Nazis. Where is their gratitude?

It is a good argument except that we didn't do it for them. We did it for us. If we did not feel the need to stop Hitler in order to save ourselves and rid the world of an evil dictator, we would not have liberated France. France was involved in the war long before we entered the conflict. They had been asking for our help, along with the British, long before we responded to attacks on our shipping by Germany and the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese. Until we were directly threatened, most Americans felt it was their problem and did not want to get involved. 

Ever since that war, we have been telling the French how much they owe us. I know of a person in my life who did not want to be invited to dinner because they would be obligated to return the invitation. There are people who will not accept help because of the anticipated obligation entailed with it.

Having said that, I must say that I am disappointed that France and other nations do not join us in this noble endeavor. (I must assume that our leadership is right in the assessment of the situation.) I don't think that they should join us because of anything they "owe" us, but because it is a "noble cause". That being the case, we can then expect to be joined by Germany and Japan who are our former enemies. Of course we can also argue that they "owe" us because of our treatment of them after the conflict.

I am reminded of the concept of "The Circle of Giving". When there is a need that you can satisfy, offer your help without expectation of recompense. If the recipient of your help asks how they can repay you, tell them that there is nothing they can do for you but to do something for someone else when they see a need that they can satisfy. And tell them to follow your example in doing so.

If something is worth doing we should be motivated to do it for the sake of the cause, not because of any obligation to anyone. When you come right down to the obligation to repay a good deed it is not any different than the obligation for revenge. We did something good for them so they must be loyal to us. They did something bad to us, so we must be loyal to ourselves and treat them as an enemy forever. We are driven to react to what has happened in the past in the decisions for the future. Many times people are led astray because of loyalty to one who has gone wrong. We can, of course, learn from past mistakes, either ours or others, but we should base our actions on the merits of the situation at hand.

The only one we "Owe" anything to ... is GOD.

Don Plefka
03/25/03