The World of Grandpa Don

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The Joy of Fulfillment

It seems like my much of my thoughts on family have emphasized the negatives and problems. If they have it is because we should be aware of them before we make a commitment to this vocation in life. But once considered and a commitment made, there are wondrous opportunities for love, happiness and fulfillment.

We all admire heroes but seldom put ourselves in their company. But, family life can be a series of heroic and glorious deeds. Our self sacrifice for the family can be a source of immense satisfaction. Our accomplishments in contributing to a wholesome and loving family give us a feeling of worthiness and satisfaction.

We may aspire to greatness or at least success and recognition in our jobs but when we are up in the middle of the night changing a diaper, or caring for an ill or troubled partner, it is the most important thing we can be doing at the time. Life is in the little and sometimes disagreeable things. They must be done and it is best to do them in love. Our career or job is a means to an end. We look forward to retirement when it is no longer needed. But our vocation as a husband or wife is part of a greater picture.

Leaving home to be a new family is a great opportunity and a sacred trust. It is then that we take the values and the love that our parents have given us, build on them and pass them on to our children and yes, even to our spouse. We are part of a chain of love extending through time. The noble thing to do is to strengthen the chain and lengthen it. We strengthen it by eliminating the negative values which may have become attached to it. We lengthen it by adding positive values along with our love, then passing it on.

The most effective way to do this is not by teaching, preaching or forcing them on the other family members but to live the values that we want to pass on.  Our children watch us very carefully, even from a very young age. At first they are totally dependant on us and we are seen as idols to be emulated. That won't last long, so take advantage of it and start living as you would want them to live as soon as they start their lives. Then continue as they mature. Be their hero. Whatever you do will be seen as 'the way to live' so make sure it is. You will be building the chain and it will give you great satisfaction and joy when you do it right.

Family, however, is not always as we plan it. It may be, for reasons known only to God, a childless family. In some cases this can be the opportunity to invite an otherwise unwanted or inconveniently conceived child into a family (as was the case with me). It may also be an opportunity for a loving husband and wife to provide support, love and growth for each other when they need it most. Our lives can be an inspiration to our spouses (as Anne's was to me) providing growth and even purpose to each other.

Man was not made to be alone and neither was woman. We need purpose in life and support of a loving partner. I knew this in my youth but I didn't understand it. But, I followed my instincts and they were right. It's called the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Through much of my life, I didn't recognize this guidance from above but that's what's so wonderful about God. He doesn't force you to do anything. It is your choice to chose how you will react to the options and opportunities that you meet in life. When your choices are based on good values and love, you find yourself following the path to great success in marriage and family life, whatever form it may take.

Don Plefka
8/20/03