The World of Grandpa Don

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What is a Family?

Marriage is not for everyone. There are those who have different callings. They have been gifted with other talents and inclinations. But, I always knew that I would marry and have a family! There may have been a few times when I thought I may become a priest but these thoughts were brief and quickly dismissed.

I know exactly why I knew this! I had the example of my parents. We were family!

Being family was so very important to me. And, I stress, we were FAMILY, not individuals who happened to be part of a family. The family was an entity, a unit. It was a sacred thing.

The family had problems and disagreements within because it was built of imperfect individuals. My parents had disagreements and at times they fought. I knew the discord would be followed by reconciliation and things would return to normal. But I remember that on one occasion, mom got so mad she stormed out of the house. This was serious and I could not envision life without mom, dad & me as Family. I begged dad to go and bring her back. He did. We were whole again.

So, when I married Anne, I was committed to be one with her and with family. I don't remember if is was a conscious decision on my part. I don't think it had to be, ... it just was.  It was like God saying "I Am".

Oh yes, there were problems and we fought. There were times when we didn't like each other. But we were a family and that was that!

But, exactly what is family? Asking that question is like asking, "What is Life?"

Human beings must procreate to survive. I don't refer to survival as an individual, but survival as a species. I will not, at this point, talk about the theology of it. We, as humans, not only must produce an offspring, we must nurse this new human, feed it, and provide for it's needs because it is helpless when born. In addition we must teach it to survive. This requires years of support.

This process is, from the start, a cooperative effort requiring a male and a female and we are endowed with a mutual attraction to ensure that procreation would take place. But this alone would not be sufficient. A family is required in order to complete the task. There is no other way that is practical. A child, devoid of the affection of a mother will not thrive. And a mother, without the support of someone to provide for her and the child can not survive. And, I believe, a man devoid of family (or other noble vocation) is incomplete. In earlier times this was absolute. In modern times other resources can augment the family. But, I believe the traditional Family is the core of it all.

And so, Family is at the core of the survival of the species. It is as basic as that, a family consisting of a male, a female and one or more children. Without the children it looses it's basic meaning and without husband and wife it has a difficult chance of survival. Each has their value and position in the Family. There are times when things go wrong and the basic family plan is disrupted. The family may then take on a different character.

My point is;
If you are contemplating marriage, be sure that you understand the reason for it. It is not there as a way to legalize intimate relations. It is not a vehicle for economic gain. It is definitely not a means to secure a lifelong servant or replacement for your mother. It is not a means of gaining a friend for life who will always agree with you. It is not the ending of a fairy tale, the gateway to living happily ever after.

If you have as your goal to form a family and you are prepared to commit your life to that goal and all it implies, including problems, sickness, and even death, you will probably succeed and I have no doubt that as a by-product of your commitment you will "live happily ever after".

It worked for me!

Don Plefka
8/4/03

Footnote:
This was intended as a reflection on what I believe is the basis of a good marriage.

This was not intended as an attack on Gays.  It is not. If it implies that I am opposed to same sex marriage, it genuinely reflects my beliefs. It was not until after I wrote this that I read Cardinal Francis George's sermon of 08/03/03 on the subject. I do, however, totally agree with his statements. You can read his sermon here.